He's Not Your Husband
As I lie before the Lord, I was reminded of The Woman At The Well in John, chapter four. In particular, I was reminded of Jesus saying to her, “Go and get your husband.”
“I don’t have a husband,” the woman replied.
Jesus said, “You’re right! You don’t have a husband – for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!”
I couldn’t help but be reminded of my own deepest, darkest secrets; my own deepest darkest pain that I shared in The Ties That Bind. Just as He did with the woman at the well, the Lord had come to get to the root of why I had found myself…at the well. A place that was supposed to be a source of abundant supply had become a dry place – my well had run dry.
His presence made known that it was time to face the facts.
As I continued to cry out to the Lord, I tried desperately to draw from Him, to get from Him what I needed; that which would get me through this difficult time. I sat before the Lord and then I heard in my spirit, “Give Me whatever it is that you came here for.”
Immediately, I knew the Lord was asking me to do something that I wasn’t willing to do.
“What do I have to give?” I cried out. “I’m coming to You for help, Lord. You’ve got to help me through this. I don’t know what to do. I can’t take it anymore. Please, Lord. Help me.”
“Give it to me,” He said.
“What is it? What do you want? Whatever it is, Lord, take it.” I said. Then I realized that the Lord was telling me to give Him my hurt and pain. Give Him everything that I had been holding on to for so long. Everything that I had been through in my relationship – give it to Him.
However, I became overwhelmed at the thought of relinquishing, giving up or losing out – after all that I had been through. And therefore, I wanted nothing to do with what Jesus was commanding me to do. So I cried out, “How can You ask me to give You what has been the only thing that I live for? I’ve come a long way; it took many years to get this far. How can You ask me to give it to You?”
“If you knew the gift that I have for you; if you knew that I will give you life, you will never have to thirst again – you will never have to experience that hurt and pain again. Come into My presence and ask Me to deliver you from the hurt, pain, anger, and fear. Ask Me to renew your mind, so that you aren’t tormented with the thoughts. Ask Me to draw you closer to Me – and give you the strength to walk away. Ask Me to pour into you…if you have a revelation of Who I AM.”
“Lord, You have nothing to draw with,” I reasoned, “obviously, You have no idea how much pain I have had to experience or you wouldn’t be asking me to do this. You have no idea of the hurt that I have had to endure or how long I have had to suffer in order to just get to the well. You have no idea of how difficult it had been to draw from You or how far I have had to come. Besides, this well is deep. The hurt and the pain go deeper than even I had imagined. You have nothing that can reach down deep enough, far enough to get to the bottom of what I have in this heart of mine – called a well. So, don’t ask me to draw for you.”
As the tears rolled down my face, I could feel the pain began to surface. I didn’t want to deal with it. I didn’t want to face the hurt and the reality that something was wrong. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
The man I was intimate with was not my husband. The man I so desperately wanted; the man I would (and had) done any and everything possible for, the man I desparately tried to hold on to...was not my husband. He was not the man that God had for me.
After all that I had been through with this man.
You see, we hurt because we’re trying to hold on to something that God has said we cannot have. And the longer we hold on to it, the more hurt and pain we’ll endure. There’s only one way to stop the hurt and pain. There’s only one way to stop the tears from falling from your eyes. And that is, to come to the realization that…he’s not your husband. He's not who God has for you.
God is not going to bless something that He didn’t establish.
Of course it’s going to be difficult to let go. Of course it’s going to be hard to move on. But it’s going to more difficult, and even harder the longer you stay.
The well has run dry.
Draw from the well that fills the heart with the joy of the Lord. Give it to Jesus. Let him go.
This is the will of God concerning you.
